Why is it that we like the people that we do?
People tend to think that sexual relationships are more complex to contemplate, but perhaps it is the simpler and more frequently encountered friendships or even day-to-day contacts that elude the easiest one-sentence explanations.
Why do you like your sexual partner? The answer often prevails within a beat. The cliched "we have so and so in common" or "he makes me feel at ease" are often heard tiredly cited. Heck, if all else evades and one is edging dangerously close to divulging the fact there is really no solid territory on which the relationship is built, and the unbearable silence is becoming ever more awkward (and the other person is beginning to ponder whether you are a decent human being at all), there is always the text book life-savers of "oh, he's excellent in bed" or "he has a lovely face" to fall back on. (Not that this will stop the other person questioning whether or not you are a decent human being...)
When the same is asked about friendship, people baffingly proffer instead "oh I don't know, I just do!". So perhaps it is curious that in romantic engagements, we have a clear notion of what we are searching for, but in something that we have known all our lives such as friendship, the ideal in our opposites (note: spatially adjacent) become undecidedly blurry.
So in friendships, why do we like the people we do?
Is it because there is some shared common ground of understanding, such as a common interest? In this commercialised and publicised world where everyone eats the same cereal and wears the same Topshop dress, it leaves a cynic (such as myself) speculating over whether there still exists true pioneering originality. If everything is a derivative of a precendent, surely it would not be challenging to find a hundred or two people with the same derived interests as oneself in a single institute. So why do we only possess half a handful of great friends? What is it about them that make them intrinsically more likable than the rejects of the hundred?
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1 comment:
I found this quite interesting. We do seem to feel obliged to give some sort of logical formulation for our choice of romantic partners, don't we... which is pretty silly when these matters are usually less rational than they are instinctual.
I think there's a difference in that we often don't 'choose' friends, as much as circumstances do. There's more of a decision making process for lovers... yes I'll give him/her a chance, no I don't like them enough/I like this person better/I have more in common with this person... even though surely must ultimately comes down to what our loins tell us. It's somewhat paradoxical.
In terms of the general cultural homogenisation of people, I don't think one's interests define a person, as such. People who like the same music/read the same books etc, can still have quite divergent personalities, and may like different aspects of the same things. Although how many aspects there are to like about a Topshop dress, I'm not sure.
Good food for thought...
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